Arc - An Angel Recomposing Carelessness

So.. Some more poetry has arrived for those of you that read this 8D! Maybe I will write more about said 'hero' later O:!

This poem is about several things.. Mashed together I guess O: Because.. A long while ago I knew someone who made me realise that forever doesn't really mean 'for ever'.. And that makes me weary of going into anything that's supposed to be 'forever' or really trusting anything or anyone who believes in 'forever'.. I guess. I just.. I don't really like to say 'forever'.. It's also about feeling as if the person/thing which is protecting you is slipping away, or indeed wanting them to come back.. That feeling of safety and security, I remember it.. Well, I think I do. That's what the hero is.. I think. The personification of 'safety'. One time last year I felt really insecure.. And I was reading a book at the time, and all I wanted to do was stay within it's pages.. I was so scared of the real world. Because I had no one at the time, I knew that my heart was about to be broken, you know, like.. You know you're going to get burned just before the water hits your hand.. But you can't do anything but stand there and wait for it to happen. I waited for a while. But the wait only made things worse when it actually happened... 

Around that time I was really down and angry and quiet and upset, I didn't have anyone to talk to about anything.. To fix the wrongs that had been made.. I didn't know how to mend it. Even now I would like an end to it, I don't feel as if the end has really happened, the book isn't closed yet.. I'd like it to close, because, even if they were willing to go back to what we were before, which they won't, that I know, I would never be able to. The trust has been broken.. The seal opened and the cookie eaten, it can never get back to what it once was, ever again. But that's okay. I learnt something from it.. I really did.  I just hope I can protect myself better in the future.. I know I deserve all the pain I get; But they deserve whatever they get too. I hope they are doing well anyhow. XD I guess at that time I just felt alone, I pretty much set myself on lockdown. That was the first time I had felt this way.. Never before had I felt so terrible inside.. Like my heart was rotting inside of me; My insides were dying... And then my life screeched to a halt.. A really painfully long skid to it actually.

But I cried all of my tears over those, what? 6 months was it? Something like that. But there never comes a day when I don't feel the pain of it all; At first everything reminded me of this special person, absolutely everything, I couldn't open my eyes and scream without seeing something that reminded me of them.. I think of them less so now.. I just accept it, after all thats all you can do; Accept and move on I suppose. It's funny really, recently I thought "Well, what does their voice sound like anyway? I.. I can't remember" Because I can't.. I really can't remember what they sound like.. But I know that person I knew, doesn't really exist anymore anyway, the memories of them I hold within me, they're just old versions of the present, none existent dreams, nightmares, flashes.. I never thought I would last this long.. But I still feel the same way I did back in September.. I feel as if something has to change, 'Something gotta give' comes to mind.. It really has. I just don't know what yet. I don't feel as if I am 'living' right now.. I'm just waiting here on stand-by. Anyway. I'll stop rambling now. 
This feeling,
I do not recall,
I know I've felt it before,
But that was a long time ago.

I'm so scared of forever now,
You know, it's a lie.
I'm so tired of 'always',
It 'always' ends in tears.

Oh won't you prove me wrong?

Please don't die,
Please don't die,
Please don't die,
Please don't die.
don't die.

I don't think
I can take care of myself,
I'm unsafe,
You gotta' stop me from falling again.
I'm stupid,
I do what I know I shouldn't;
I'm still misguided.

Please change my mind.

I have no faith,
Just the none existent current,
Pulling me forward.

I can't believe,
While my eyes can see
This deception
Right in front of my feet.

Please don't die,
Please don't die,
Please don't die,
Don't die.

I need you;
You are the only thing
Guiding me
Home;

My glimpse at the truth.
A lie within in which to lay my head at night;
My invisible safe house.

My anchor is here in you,
Though it may seem impossible.
You are my shield,
My angel, guarding me,
Silently.

Don't ever stop existing.

Dealing me blows of my own,
Trouble I need,
But you keep me out of the bad storms.

.Thankyou...

Please don't die,
Please don't die,
Please don't die,
Please don't die.

I don't what I would do-

I need an adventure,
In this game,
You play the hero;
That's why I call out your name,
When I'm alone,
When I'm lonely.
When I'm unhappy,
I call out your name;
You are the hero;
So don't leave now,
Don't go yet.

I'm not ready to say goodbye.

This game isn't over!

You can't die.
I won't die.

I won't let you
Go home,
Your home is here,
With me.

Don't you remember?

The weight of the heavy rain,
Washing me downhill.
The rays of your sunshine;
They bring the warmth back in.

In my bones,
In my soul,
On my mind,
All the time.

My door is open.

So..

Don't die,
Please don't die,

Please,
Don't,
Die.

This game isn't over;

Not yet.

..So just remember...

I don't die.